March 12, 2010
Tiger Woods
I was so sad to hear the news of Tiger Woods. He seemed to have it all…beautiful wife, awesome children. What lurked beneath the surface was addiction waiting for the right trigger to go to the next level. Very few, if anyone, could handle the amount of fame and fortune he amassed. As a student of sexual addiction, and being married to a recovering sex addict, I know first hand that it does not just happen overnight. It starts in childhood, and like any drug, once exposed to the thrill and the high, it takes more and more to achieve the same results. Tiger finally had the resources to fully act out his addiction. Does this take away his personal responsibility? Absolutely not. But left untreated sex addiction is like any other addiction, it escalates.
Here is a great analogy my husband came up with to explain what trying to quit is like: It’s like riding on a train, you buy a ticket, you get on the train, riding in the car watching the passengers is interesting for awhile…then you turn your attention out the window and the countryside or cityscape is fascinating…then you’re bored so you walk up to the front of the train and see how fast you are going and what’s coming up ahead..then that’s not enough so you climb outside the train and crawl up on top…wow, exhilarating…then you throw your arms up in the air and scream at the top of your lungs, “OK, I’m done, God, please stop me!” Recovery is taking back each step to the day when you can resist the thought of even buying the ticket…knowing it’s just a trip to death and destruction.
There are physiological changes that a sex addict goes through during acting out that are as powerful as shooting heroin. But getting sober and changing your life all starts with a choice. Choose to get help, you cant do it alone, share your past, thoughts, fears and anger. Trust God to help you and when you are tempted turn your focus to the one who will give you the power to overcome temptation. “When you feel overwhelmed and tempted beyond what you think you can bear..God always provides a way out.”
Tiger entered a sexual addiction rehab and my prayer is that he continues recovery and finds a relationship with God in the process. I don’t know if Elin can find the strength to forgive him and restore their marriage, or if she should. Of course, she will need to forgive him whether the marriage is restored or not. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. But, I believe sexual sin, adultery, is one of the reasons allowed for divorce by God because He knows the emotional consequences that are sometimes too much to bear or fix. However, I also know many great marriages that were not only saved, but better than they ever were after going through the recovery process together and becoming vulnerable and open with each other.
