March 15, 2010
Relationships
It bothers me when people I have any kind of conflict with refuse to face it and resolve it. I know it goes back to not being able to change others, but for some reason it really makes me sad when it is someone who I know has been in recovery, who I think has learned the value of honest confrontation and making amends, extending forgiveness, and communication. But when the rubber meets the road they run and hide. They refuse to tell you what you did wrong, you should just “know” and be a mind reader.
I am thankful for the relationships I have that are filled with honesty, repentance, confrontation and forgiveness. I have a few friends, and my husband, who are willing to hear the truth and speak the truth to me. We all mess up and say things we don’t mean or say things to be mean…either way, we all need to be forgiven and to forgive.
What is so difficult about having that conversation? Fear of rejection? Fear of anger? They really don’t care?
I guess it seems easier to just “cut-off” people from your life when they hurt you, but that just leads to a constant cycle of friends, hurt, destroyed relationships…it is not true intimacy or friendship. As Proverbs 27:6 says, “A wound from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
I’d rather be wounded by a friend anyday!
Sandra Bond said,
March 15, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Lisa,
The shoe is also on the other foot. How about confronting someone who doesn’t want to “face the music” even knowing they will receive understanding, forgiveness and mercy. They don’t want to face the person(s) because of overwhelming “guilt and shame”. To that I say “PLEEEZE! Do you honestly have to “feel” the right way before you do the right thing? Absolutely not? Who ever said donig the right thing was easy, but the longer the person stays in the guilt and shame, the harder it is to do the right thing. I say man up (or woman up) and just do it! God’s mercy and grace are incredible gifts no one should ever turn their back on!
And, I agree with you . . . . I would rather be hurt with the “truth” then to feel good hearing and/or listening to “lies” anyday! You go girl!
lisamerry said,
March 17, 2010 at 12:57 am
Yes Sandra—I agree—doing the right thing is usually never easy, especially when it comes to confrontation. I hate the word because I know it brings up so many negative connotations, but seriously, we are supposed to be honest and vulnerable and confess to each other, as Christians. AND it’s the only way we are ever going to grow.
However, I will say that I have also learned that I need to look at myself too and ask the question, “Is there anything I am doing that would hinder someone coming to me with the truth? Am I difficult to talk to? Do I react harshly?” That doesn’t someone is justified to lie to me, but I can still do what I can to help the situation and own my side.